Romeo and Juliet
by DreamerOfNight
Summary: By Take, not me. Hiei and Kurama, cast in the roles of Romeo and Juliet! Completely brilliant.


A/N: Now, remember, this is also by Take. Not me. I did not write this. I WISH I did, but I didn't. I hope you all enjoy this.

Lord Capulet: Yomi  
Juliet: Kurama  
Lady Montague: Mukuro  
Romeo: Hiei  
Nurse: Yukina  
Tybalt: Kuwabara  
Count Paris: Karasu  
Friar Laurence: Shizuru  
Mercutio: Yuusuke  
Balthasar: Shuuich  
Benvolio: Jin  
Apothecary: Botan  
Escalus: Koenma

'Kemi led her creator to a chair near the computer and pushed her down into it. Rakuen crawled over and she picked him up, depositing him into the girl's lap.

"Saa, Take-san, just sit and enjoy. You've been under stress lately, so Kurama and I decided to write this fic for you."

"But-" Take protested weakly. "I hate Romeo and Juliet! Couldn't you have chosen another play?"

Takemi smiled mischievously. "Oh, I think you'll like our version." Turning her attention to the silver fox seated in front of the keyboard, she told him, "Okay, let's start!"

Act I

Koenma, prince of the Reikai, glowered down at the two Makai lords. The rest of the cast shifted nervously, sensing the Power pressing down on the, making it hard to breathe. "For the last time," he said in a dangerous voice, "no fighting in public! I-" he put the back of his hand to his head and affected a foppish manner, "have a simply horrible headache." Huge sweatdrops appeared on everyone's heads. Koenma blinked. "What?"

Mukuro pulled Jin aside. "Do you know where Hiei is?" she asked.

Jin shrugged. "He comes and he goes as he pleases. I did notice that he's been in a foul mood lately, though."

"So what else is new?" replied Mukuro dryly. "Well, I've got to go run my part of the Makai, so if you do see him, tell the little bastard to snap out of it; he's not improving diplomatic relations any by toasting the ambassadors on a whim."

Not long after, Hiei entered the scene, ignoring Jin and going to sit on a windowsill. "Ah, Hiei-san," began Jin, "Lady Mukuro says to tell you to stop toasting ambassadors, and to snap out of the bad attitude." Hiei snorted and looked away. "Is it a woman?"

Hiei's head shot up. "Just what the hell do you mean by that?" he growled.

Jin looked nervously at him, noting the hand at the hilt of the katana. He pulled out a copy of the Shakespearean play and tossed it to Hiei, who caught it deftly. The air demon watched as Hiei's expression grew darker as he read through the lines. "I'm supposed to be in love?! Jin noticed that the youkai was looking extremely peeved, so he acted wisely; he ran.

Karasu gazed calmly into Yomi's sightless face, violet eyes holding an intelligent gleam. "So I have your permission to …court Kurama?" He smiled behind his mask.

"I said court - with the intent to marry, not kill." Yomi said sternly. "Kurama is my heir, and I would be most…displeased…should he be harmed."

Karasu shrugged, jamming his hands into his pockets. "Fine. I won't kill him." Now, he added silently. He thought a moment. "I'll start the -courtship-tonight at the party." He turned to leave; he had to find a costume, after all. There were a couple of rich citizens in Yomi's city, so he should be able to find something in one of their wardrobes.

Night found Yomi's palace ablaze with lights. Costumed youkai (most dressed as ningen) chatted idly over cups of spiked punch. Kurama, in his Minamino Shuuichi guise, watched with trepidation as Karasu approached him.

Pretending not to have noticed him, Kurama slipped behind a pillar and lost himself in the crowd. It looked like it was going to be a long night. He kept one eye on Karasu and the other on the door, trying to make his way across the room as he could escape. A commotion near the entrance caused him to turn his attention to the front.

Yuusuke and Jin dragged in a struggling Hiei, Shuuichi following close behind. "Lemme go!" Hiei growled. "Are you nuts?! We're in the heart of enemy territory!"

Yuusuke and Jin sighed. "It's in the play," they both chorused. Shuuichi grinned and headed for the punch, fully intending to get sloshed before anyone could discover that he was underage.

"#&!&#." Hiei muttered, unwilling to raise his voice and bring attention to them.

Yuusuke grinned ad released the fire youkai. "You can go spy on Yomi or whatever the heck it is you do. We are going to check out the chicks." Throwing and arm around Jin's shoulders, they disappeared into the crowd.

"Hn."

Kurama spied the tiny figure in black standing alone near the door. He ran his eyes appraisingly over the lithe, well-muscled body. Things were starting to look better. He set off across the floor, lust burning in his-

Thwap!'

"Oww!" whined Kurama, rubbing his head. "Why'd you do that?"

Take glared at him. "That's enough of that! You're supposed to be following the plotline. That's not up yet, so you'll have to control your galloping libido for a while more." The youko went SD, making big googly eyes at her. "Stop that; you'll get your chance." Take frowned, looking at the computer screen. "Just skip to the balcony scene."

Hiei struggled in the cocoon of vines that bound him. "Stupid fuckin' youko," he growled. "How the hell do I get into these things?!"

A silver head popped over the balcony. "Psst! Hiei get up here!" Kurama whispered. "Oops. I forgot I tied you up." He lifted a hand and the vines raised the trussed up youkai to eye level. Reaching out, Kurama bundled him into his arms. "At last, you're all mine," he purred. Leaning forward, he nuzzled Hiei's neck, biting softly at the juncture to his shoulder. The fire demon moaned and writhed in his embrace, not noticing when the vines fell away, freeing him.

"Kurama-san!" Yukina's voice called from the youko's bedroom.

"Mmph! Lmm gh!" Hiei tried to pull away, but Kurama was having none of that. He tightened his arms, robbing the youkai of breath, and deepened the kiss.

Hiei could feel himself losing consciousness (lack of oxygen will do that to a youkai), so he started to struggle harder. He would have bitten Kurama's tongue, but he passed out before he got a chance.

"Kurama-san, come inside, kudasai."

Kurama broke off the kiss. "Hai, in a moment, Yukina-san." He looked down at the quiescent figure in his arms. "Hiei, meet me at the church tomorrow. I'll send Yukina with the time." The fire demon in his arms remained still. "Hiei?" He shook him slightly, the youkai's head lolling back. "Uh oh." Kurama released his vice-like grip, patting the Koorime's cheek lightly.

Hiei came to, feeling someone patting his cheek. He opened his eyes and met thin gold ones. "Yahh!" he yelled, "get away from me, you sick fox!"

"Never mind that, meet me at the church tomorrow! Yukina will tell you the time." Kurama drew Hiei closer. "C'mon, gimme a goodnight kiss."

"Ch, not on your life, you crazy youko!" Hiei backed away to the edge of the balcony.

"O, wilt thou leave me so unsatisfied?" Kurama said innocently. He stalked closer.

"Yes." In a flash of black, Hiei was gone.

"Fuu," pouted the youko, tossing his silver head in indignation.

Take snorted, her head near Kurama's. "What the heck was that?!" she asked, pointing to the screen. "I don't recall Juliet being so aggressive. Come to think of it, I don't remember Romeo passing out, either."

Kurama shrugged, "Hey, this is a parody. Anything goes, remember?" his tail twitched, "Besides, you always did say Romeo talked too much and did too little. With Hiei as Romeo, you've got to practically beat the words out of him."

"Aha ha. Cute, fox. Real cute." Take retook her seat, scooping Rakuen into her arms and scratching behind the demon dog's ears. "Okay, so what happened next?"

The youko grinned. "Well, Yukina went to Hiei with a note telling him to go to the church at one in the afternoon. Meanwhile, Kurama went on ahead and met with Friar Shizuru, who agreed to marry them.

"Hiei wasn't too keen on showing up and getting hitched, but Yukina begged him to go. And everybody knows that Hiei's a pushover where Yukina is concerned." Takemi came in, handing them drinks. She pulled up a chair and sat on the other side of her brother.

"Anyway, Hiei and Kurama were married…."

Hiei felt something soft tickling his nose. He sneezed and squirmed slightly, feeling a slight ache in his muscles. Awareness flooded through him and his eyes popped open.

He was lying on a large bed (think Henry VIII plus wife), the sheets draped haphazardly over him. He was as naked as the day he'd been born. AND he was being held by a sleeping youko, his silver hair cascading down into his face. Hiei inhaled, the green and rose scent that was uniquely Kurama making him slightly heady.

The silver youko stirred, his lashes fluttering up to reveal narrow golden eyes. "Ohayo," he said, releasing Hiei and stretching sexily.

Hiei did nothing, remaining still and keeping his usual silence as Kurama rolled above him, placing his hands on either side of his head. His red eyes stared into Kurama's gold ones as the fox slowly lowered his lips to his, taking him up in a deep kiss. He arched into it willingly, a bit surprised that he could actually move after the previous afternoon's -and night's -activities. Kurama had, after all, screwed him silly, making up for the fact that he'd 'left him so unsatisfied' a couple of days before.

"Kurama, I haveta go soon," Hiei gasped, tilting his head to allow the youko better access to his neck... Kurama didn't seem to be cooperating, and for once Hiei wasn't very inclined to argue. "Well, okay, but just this once-" The sheet was pulled up over their heads.

Hiei wandered through the forest, dazed. He was busy attempting to find a way to break the news of his …marriage…to Mukuro. Odds were that she wouldn't be thrilled, especially when she learned that his 'bride' was Yomi's heir.

"Oi, Hiei!" Yuusuke's hail broke his trail of thought. The boy and Jin were approaching quickly. "Where'd ya disappear to yesterday?"

"Hn," Hiei grunted, as if he'd tell. He didn't want the rest of the demon world to know that he'd just gotten hitched to THE most eligible bachelor in the Makai. He resumed his steady pace, jumping lightly form branch to branch, his mind on other things. Yuusuke and Jin followed below, a bit pressed to keep up with him.

"Hiei!" a voice suddenly squealed. The high pitch stunned Hiei, upsetting his balance. He crashed to the ground below, a ringing sound reverberating in his ears.

"Dare da!" he snarled, shaking his head as he staggered to his feet, a hand going to the hilt of his katana.

A tall, orange-haired man stumbled out from behind a tree. The sword he held in his hands glowed a bright yellow. "Teme!" he shrieked. "I say you yesterday talking to the fair Yukina! How dare you profane the area surrounding her! I, Kuwabara Kazuma the Man, will teach you a lesson!"

Hugh sweatdrops appeared on the other three's heads. "Uh, Kuwabara, remember what Koenma said," Yuusuke began, not really wanting to find out what DIRE CONSEQUENCES the Reikai prince had up his sleeve.

Kuwabara turned his thin eyes on him. "And you, Yuusuke! What're you doing hanging out with this little shrimp, anyway? You're becoming as cowardly as he is!"

Yuusuke's eyes narrowed as he cracked his knuckles. To hell with Koenma's rules, NOBODY called him a coward. "Yaro! I'm gonna kick your ass!" He charged forward, fists ready.

Hiei watched impassively as the fight escalated. He'd read the script, and he knew what was coming, impossible as it seemed. He narrowed his eyes.

"Ack! Ya killed me, ya big oaf!" Yuusuke fell to his death. "But that's okay, 'cos I've died before. I'll be baack! Erk." He keeled over and died.

"Bwahaha!" Kuwabara glared at Hiei. "Okay shrimp, it's your turn now!"

"Hn." Hiei looked at him with contempt. "Baka, didn't you read the script?!"

The orange-haired human looked puzzled. "Come to think of it, no. Why?"

"Because I finally get to kill you, you moron!" Hiei gave the suddenly pale Kuwabara a feral half-smile. "Ja Ou Ensatsu Kokuryuha!" The Black Dragon roared toward Kuwabara, giving him time for only a startled 'eep!' before being fried to a crisp. Oddly enough, the bright orange hair was untouched on the blackened ningen. "Hn," muttered Hiei, "must be all that crap he puts in it." Motioning to Jin, who had been standing there frantically leafing through the script, he walked over to where Yuusuke had fallen. He hoisted the upper half of the body up, nodding at Jin to take up Yuusuke's legs. "Fuck Yuusuke! You're damn heavy." It had been a long day, and right now, Hiei needed a nap.

Prince Koenma, Yomi, and Karasu stood ringed around the charred corpse. "Are you sure this is Kuwabara?" Koenma asked.

"Of course; look at that hair-not even Mukuro can match that shade…not that she'd want to," Karasu replied urbanely.

"I suppose Kurama will have to be notified of this," Yomi sighed. "He did have an acquaintance with him." The youkai tilted his head, considering. "You'll have to punish Hiei, you know," he addressed Koenma. "I recommend sending him to the Ningenkai; his dislike of humans and their habits is almost legendary."

The prince thought a moment, chewing on his pacifier. "Good idea. Mukuro won't miss for say, five years, and its not like he's being executed or anything. You might even call it a learning experience."

Karasu smiled thinly behind his spidery mask. What he wouldn't give to see Hiei's face when the youkai learned he was being banished to the Ningenkai. He thought of Kurama, and his smile widened, becoming seductive. Someone was going to have to comfort the beautiful youko over his grief at Kuwabara's death. This was going to be fun.

Kurama lay facedown on the bed, his head cradled in his arms. It wasn't fair; he'd only had a few precious hours with Hiei and now his beautiful little fire demon was-literally-a world away. Kurama whimpered. Hiei had been sent to the Ningenkai immediately; he hadn't even had the time to sneak out to see him off. Kurama rolled onto his back. Five years was nothing to a youkai, but for Kurama the wait would be a long one. Hiei was going to be faced with a very horny youko when he returned. The thought brought a smile to Kurama's face, and he was finally able to fall asleep.

Kurama stared at Yukina in growing horror. "Me? And KARASU?!" he squeaked, furry ears laid flat against his head. "Uh uh. No way." He strode toward the balcony. "I'm getting out of here!"

Yukina trotted after him, tugging ineffectually at the filmy white robes. "Kurama-san, omachinasai. Where are you going?"

"To find Hiei," was the short reply. The fox halted and whirled to face the Koorime girl. "I can't end up with Karasu, don't you understand? The maniac will try to kill me-or worse!" He shook his head. "No, I can't stay here…" He peeked over the balcony. "Shimatta!"

Standing guard against Kurama's possible attempts at escape were members of Yomi's special guard. Unless the youko was willing to chance getting beaten to a pulp, there was no way out of the palace. His proud figure slumped with defeat.

A gentle, hesitant touch on his arm snapped his head up. Yukina looked up at him, her crimson eyes wide. "Yomi didn't want you to escape when you heard about Karasu, but isn't there anything you can do to trick him? A sickness caused from one of your plants, maybe?"

Kurama's ears perked up as an idea started to form. "That's it!" he cried. "Come to think of it, there is a plant that causes youki to be hidden and the body's functions to slow. It makes you look and feel dead." He grinned down at the tiny girl. "Arigato, Yukina-san!"

The Koorime smiled and blushed. "I'm glad I could help, Kurama-san."

The youko nodded. "Okay, here's the plan…"

"Was that yaoi scene at the beginning really necessary?" asked Take.

Kurama pouted and tossed his head. "I'm telling this my way. Besides, if I have to put up with Karasu in this, I should at least get to have some fun with Hiei."

He looked over his shoulder to his sister. "Why'd you pick Karasu to be Count Paris, anyway?"

Takemi hunched a shoulder and grinned unrepentantly. "I love getting a reaction from you."

Take smiled evilly. "I think she gets that from hanging around you all these centuries."

"Fuu. Why am I always being picked on?"

"'Cos its fun, Kurama-chan," Take replied cheerfully. "Now, where's Act IV?"

"No respect." Kurama ducked Take's swat. "Okay, okay…"

Act IV

"Kurama! Oh my lovely one, how could you? Going off and dying like that…I wanted to be the one to kill you!" wailed Karasu, "Me, me, and me!"

Yomi stood by the side of the bed, frowning. "Damn it Kurama, I know you didn't want to be my heir, but did you have to go to such measures to get out of the job?" The six ears flicked slightly, disturbed by Karasu's wailing. "Will somebody shut that blubbering idiot up?!" he shouted. Guards instantly grabbed hold of the youkai's arms and forcefully removed him from the room.

"Yukina-san, please go make arrangements for Kurama's funeral…Even if I'm a little vexed with him, I wouldn't want any scavengers to get his body." The girl bowed and slipped away. She had to find Hiei and tell him what had happened.

"That was short," Take commented.

Kurama made a face. "I wanna get to the good part."

"Kurama, stop that; you're drooling."

Act V

Hiei regarded the tiny girl before him, his red eyes dark. "Hn. So lemme get this straight. Kurama wants me to go back to the Makai to rescue him from his grave when he wakes up from his 'death'." Yukina nodded vigorously. "Why?"

"Please, Hiei-san? He loves you and wants to be with you. Kurama-san was willing to fight his way through Yomi's guards for you. Please go." Sometimes it didn't hurt to stretch the truth a little. Yukina looked at the youkai with her wide, innocent eyes.

The fire demon could feel his resolve weakening. He dropped his gaze. "Hai. I'll go."

"Arigatou, Hiei-san!" Yukina's face lit up with happiness. "Now, before you sneak into Yomi's palace, you have to stop by Botan's apothecary shop and get something." She handed Hiei a slip of paper with a set of numbers on it. "This is the number potion Kurama wants you to get." She smiled and bowed before trotting off.

"Hn." Hiei regarded the piece of paper for a moment before stuffing it into his pocket. He had to find Botan and Gate back to the Makai.

Botan giggled and looked at the slip of paper Hiei had given her. "Are you sure you want this one?" she asked dubiously. The glare she received was all the answer she needed. Rummaging through the sleeves of her kimono, she produced one, waving it triumphantly. "Here it is!" She handed the vial to Hiei. "When you take this you'll need to be near someplace comfortable; it works fast."

Hiei raised an eyebrow but said nothing. Tucking the vial into a pants pocket, he nodded curtly and vanished.

"Chotto matte!" Botan yelled. "You didn't pay for that!" She fumed until a stray thought occurred to her. Laughter bubbled forth as she wondered if Hiei knew what he'd asked for.

"Kurama! Wah!" Karasu sobbed as he was dragged out of the crypt. Yukina sighed and watched the others file out. Kurama had been popular and the services had taken longer than planned.

When she was finally alone, she took the 'dead' youko's right hand in hers, placing her left on his forehead. The soft blue-white glow of her healer's ki flowed into the fox.

Satisfied, Yukina smoothed away a few strands of hair from the youko's face before exiting the crypt. Kurama would awaken soon, and hopefully Hiei would already be there waiting.

Hiei easily avoided the guards patrolling the palace grounds, making his way to the crypt. He still wasn't quite sure how he'd gotten himself talked into doing this, but hell, it wasn't as if he had anything better to do. The Ningenkai had been kind of boring.

Spying the door to the crypt, he flickered up and darted inside before anyone could catch him. Crouching in the shadows, he searched for any sign of youki, finding one at the other end of the room; fluttering, but growing stronger by the second; Kurama. In a fraction of a moment, Hiei had disappeared, only to reappear next to the unconscious youko.

Staring down at his perfect features, the youkai felt a twinge in the vicinity of his heart. Though he would never admit it, the youko had gotten under his skin in a bad way. Kuso. Reaching out, he gently stroked the side of Kurama's cheek in a feather-light caress. His eyes widened as the fox turned into his touch, starting to stir.

Quickly taking the vial out of his pocket, Hiei downed the contents in one gulp. He vaguely remembered reading something about this in the script…why did he feel so relaxed all of a sudden?

Kurama opened his eyes, feeling Hiei's body heat near him. "Mm…" His gaze sharpened as it fell upon the said youkai. Hiei was swaying slightly, a confused expression on his normally impassive features. Kurama caught him as he toppled; twisting so the youkai lay beneath him.

A tinkle drew his attention; a small bottle had dropped from Hiei's fingers to roll on the floor.

"Shit Kurama! What the hell is this?! Hiei growled furiously. Attempting to move, he found his muscles too relaxed to do much.

A slow, wicked grin spread across Kurama's face. "Oh, just a little something masseuses' give their clients; it relaxes while heightening the sensation of being touched." He ran his hand down Hiei's arm in demonstration, eliciting a shiver from his lover.

"Are you nuts?! What if someone comes in and finds us like this?!" Hiei hissed.

Kurama shrugged tugging Hiei's tank top off and tossing it aside. "I'm supposed to be dead, remember? And for that matter, you're safely in the Ningenkai at the moment. So just lie here and let me do all the work." He placed nipping kisses down the middle of Hiei's chest, fingers busy at the four belts around the youkai's waist.

Hiei groaned, terribly aroused but unable to do anything except lie there. He bit his lip, trying to make as little noise as possible. He almost lost it when he felt Kurama kissed him there, the potion in his veins magnifying the sensation tenfold. "Dammit fox, I swear you'll be the death of me someday."

Kurama grinned, ripping off the rest of Hiei's clothes with lecherous glee…"Oi, oi, yamete!"

"Un?" Kurama blinked in confusion, looking up from the computer.

Take glared at him, "Now I KNOW you didn't read the play. The two main characters are supposed to die, baka."

She didn't notice 'Kemi sneaking away, Rakuen in her arms. 'Kemi knew the signs; for a small girl, Takechan had a rather violent temper. As she snuck out of the room, she passed the other Yuu Yuu's; things were going to get ugly pretty soon.

"Saa, Rakuen, let's go someplace safe for a while, ne?" The Makai dog yapped his assent. With a slight laugh, 'Kemi headed for the tiny garden out side.

Kurama gave the girl next to him an innocent look. "But Takechan, they did die!" At her raised eyebrow, he elaborated, "Orgasms are known as the little death too, you know." A smug expression crossed his face. "And Hiei and I both died."

The End


End file.
